Homesickness; cured

I stopped running today.

I simply chose to stop running today……today.

My whole life, I’ve felt like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz…looking for home.  Trying to get *there*.

Today, I arrived.

There…….Here…….

Guy is walking down the street, sees his friend Joe standing on the corner hitting himself in the face with a frying pan.  Guy says “Hey Joe, why you doing that?”  Joe stops for a second, and smiles a bit with his reply.  “Because it feels so good when I stop!”

I knew someday I’d get there if I just kept running hard enough.  My mother called it dancing.  Several of her poems and vignettes centered around the theme of dancing endlessly, performing… and “Can I stop dancing yet?”.  Can I stop running?  How will I know when I’m there…

But then, I realized I was looking for a home I’d created from fairy tales and tv shows – not from reality.

So I stopped running and I turned around and I looked at the demons that had pushed me on so hard so far…and I confronted them – about all these things I think I’m “supposed to be – and do – and think – and say” …Who says….When I was a child, I was told what to do….that’s how children learn…but I’m an adult now…and grown ups get to make the rules…and I don’t have to listen to you guys anymore.  Enough.  I’m the boss of me.

The first breaths after you stop running smell and taste sweeter than anything you’ve ever known.

The race completed without a stumble

I drew a line in the sand, called it the finish line and crossed it.

Now when I wake up in the morning my first thoughts are “No matter what, everything will be okay.” instead “Oh god why am I still here!”

Oddly enough, when I realized I was running, and started working on myself, my son’s conditions started improving.  Seems the better I get, the “better” he gets.

I stopped running today

and I sat down with the boy

We watched 3 episodes of Wonder Pets, in a row, in their entirety

He even let ME pick the episodes.

Home is between your ears.

Published by

Pearl Manhattan

Life interrupted - this space is changing - stay tuned

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