Okay – I spoke up – I asked for help.
But how do I deal with the guilt now….the guilt that says I’m giving up on him. The guilt that says I didn’t try hard enough. The guilt that comes from comparing myself to other moms. The fear that after I get care in place and I have all this free time, will I let myself enjoy it or will I spend it beating myself up for “sloughing” off my parental responsibilities.
I know all the counter arguments for every point above. That I’ve done a great job, but no one is expected to 24/7 alone forever. He’s getting older and needs his own life. I deserve my own life.
Knowing the rational side has nothing to do with not feeling guilty.
I will find a therapist once I get things squared away. Not one of these new age “counselling centers” …someone who understands caregivers.