New year – New you…

The cleaning and purging of the house continues.  Not nearly as much work as it appeared to be.  Yes, I am quite stressed out.  I’ve been dealing with a rolling panic attack for about the past 3 weeks.  But I’ll have the house completely cleaned and ready for photos by Tuesday.  This needed to happen anyway.  It is feeling great to get rid of a LOT of junk and starting fresh in the new year.  It’s getting done, it will be done, and we all move on with our lives.  In the event the owner does decide to sell the house, I”m already organized for packing and can have it loaded in a day with help.  We don’t have much stuff.  It would be nice to have security, though.  It’s not fun to constantly have to worry where and how you’re going to live tomorrow.  As if I didn’t have enough going already before the CPS adventure and this tax appraisal.  Lets hope we have the big things out of the way now?

My I-ching reading for the other day reminded me that flood waters eventually crest and recede, and they only crest for a few minutes.  I repeat that constantly in my head.

I just keep going until someone tells me I’m done.

It would be nice to think I’d take a vacation for my birthday and after all of this….just get away for a few days.  But I don’t want be alone – but I do not want to be around anyone.  My caregiver is going to DC with the Union to talk to the white house about Affordable Healthcare act so she’ll be out for the week of my birthday.  I’m happy for her, but kinda bummed too.  I was hoping this year would be the year I’d have a party with friends and make it a fun birthday.  Ah…who am I kidding….I don’t want a party right now anyway.

I just want to feel secure and safe and not judged.  Unfortunately, I’ve come to realize that I will never feel that way – as long as there are people out there who think they know better for us than I, and don’t believe I need to be a part of the decisions they make for us.

 

 

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Pearl Manhattan

Life interrupted - this space is changing - stay tuned

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