Maybe I owe you all an apology – I’ve had unfair expectations of you. While I got a crash course in a lot through life, and I have a lot of experiences that I’ve survived, most of you haven’t. I lack empathy and understanding a lot of the time – but not because I don’t care – I care very much! I just don’t realize how hard I’ve fought all along, it’s become second nature, and I’ve had to bury a lot of things or process on the fly. I’m in battle mode.
I apologize for expecting everyone to be where I am in this process. You aren’t here yet. You may not get here. And I have to be okay with that. I had an outcome in mind – Where I wanted my son to be – and it only became more and more frustrated when I was doing so much – everything the experts said – and I wasn’t getting the Outcome they promised.
The realization came in advice I gave on a parenting forum –
At the end of the day, if my children are clothed, fed, and comfortable, then I have fulfilled my obligations as parent. Anything over that is bonus.
This led me to realize that I have given my children a far better childhood than I ever saw. I win. I don’t need to seek validation for anything anymore. I can also stop being so defensive – and put down the baseball bat. You’re not judging me, you just don’t understand – because you’ve never had this experience.
So – no more outcomes. This is a good thing.