800-273-8255 National suicide prevention hotline
I understand suicidal thoughts. I’ve battled with them all my life, every day. The demons don’t let you call an 800 number or tell a trusted friend or even say it out loud. So you don’t say anything…to anyone…..because the demons aren’t loud enough to warrant a full-life invasion where law enforcement and medical personnel and losing the rights to things like nail clippers and shoe laces – and the stack of medications and appointments that follow the utterance of those three words – I need help.
Even when the demons get so loud you can’t ignore them, the shame and embarrassment of going through everything “helpful” afterwards is too great. You don’t want to trouble anyone, and you don’t want to be the next mental health poster child. So you can’t call the 800 number. You can’t tell your closest soul mate – you can’t even admit it to yourself.
If you have suicidal thoughts, please don’t be scared or embarrassed and please do not suffer alone. You don’t have to tell anyone what you’re feeling. You’ve learned to be an excellent actor and keep the voices at bay on good days – so wash your face, put on clothes and get out of the house. Go find people – any people.
Walk around a large store and count how many times people speak to you – that means you are approachable. Notice how many people smile back at you if you smile at them. That means you are kind. Give a compliment to someone who could use it. Then, call your soul mate or best friend and say “Hey, I”m having a rough time today – and I could use some beauty – can we go see something beautiful?”
Then, you can tell them how you’re feeling or not – your soulmate will know what a rough day is. You just gotta recognize them and not beat them to death while you’re floggin yourself silly with the hate stick.
You are not alone – We are in this together. I promise I am not actively suicidal and I will not ever take my life. BUT – I do know how it feels – and you’re not alone.