Climbing into the sunlight


That was a deep, dark scary place we were.

Sometimes when you get to the end of your rope, the only thing you can do is let it go.  You can’t remember how to tie a knot, and the arms just get so tired.  So you let go.

In the fetal position, braced for the crash – and instead, you feel arms around you.

One of my favorite movies is “The Game”  (Spoilers ahead) with Michael Douglas.  The lead character is put through a series of impossible situations.  At the end, the only option left is to let go and jump, because he feels there is nothing left for him anywhere.  He lands safely in the airbag below he couldn’t see and his friends and family surround him with love.

I’ve learned to let go and still love.  I’ll have to let go of my son someday.  We’ve finally found the break we were waiting for – services and appointments abound!  He’s been to the dentist, without any restraints, holding, or tears, and had has teeth brushed and even let the dentist examine his teeth.  He’s had his immunizations.  He toured his new school, met the teacher and voiced his approval.  We’ve cancelled the GPS tracker service for now, as we don’t use it.

It took some time to get here – and some of you didn’t think I was doing enough – some of you thought he wasn’t doing enough.

Many drivers have given me a bad time because I drive the speed limit on the freeway, I pick a lane – I pick my speed – and I drive.  They like to speed where they can, they get “stuck” behind *curseword drivers* who can’t speed up or get out of the way, they weave between lanes – all the while shaking their fists and laughing at the other drivers – like it’s a race.  So I’m the tortoise.  That’s how CJ and I made it this far.

One step back – two steps forward – It’s how we mark the rhythm of our days; letting go of expectations – open to what we meet along the way.

If everything was easy, nothing would get done.  The pushing through makes it worth the while.  You can make the journey on your knees.  You can make the journey as you please.  I’m spreading my wings and I’m making it in style.

You’re gonna have your problems.  You’re gonna have your fun.  Through it all, be kind to everyone.  Open your eyes and see.  Open your heart and be.  The moment that you’re in is the most important one.

One step back – two steps forward.  It’s how we mark the rhythm of our days.




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Pearl Manhattan

Life interrupted - this space is changing - stay tuned

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