I don’t mean any blasphemy or disrespect. I hope we all get at least one moment with that which we each call God while we’re still alive. My moment was during cloud watching during the storms last week. I like to watch the clouds and meditate while the clouds make shapes and pictures for me. A face kept appearing, between animals and other things swimming by. It was like an emoji – the smiley face in texts and stuff. I let my mind go and imagined a conversation with it – letting my words just flow. I asked my question. Where were you?
God tried to shrug – but it was only a head. It pointed out that it didn’t have hands to help, and they weren’t sure where we got the idea they did – or that they could help.
It was not the answer I was expecting, but it was all the answer I was going to get. The face turned into a manatee and floated across the sky.
I spent another hour completely over-thinking the answer, and a profile of a face appeared at the end of a long cloud. The jaw slowly dropped, the mouth opened, and the cloud stuck it’s tongue out at me. Then more flying manatees across the sky.
It was like that time in the swollen creek where I almost drowned until someone said “stand up and stop fighting the current”. I felt myself say “oh” softly.
And then I felt peace. And I understood.
And that peace is still here. And the demons are gone.