I took CJ to Walmart today to get our pumpkin. He picked out a nice sized one. He also picked out more bananas, some Red Delicious apples (the Honeycrisp and Galas got a loud NO) and some grapes. I got some thread to finish his Halloween costume this weekend. He has asked for a Batman costume, and I have 200 yards of black lightweight poly/fake linen (thank you friend who works in textiles!) so Batman it is! It only took a few minutes to round up the rest of the notions for the costume – thank goodness I kept all my sewing supplies! Who doesn’t keep a 20 inch black zipper for just these situations? I’ve got the zipper basted into the jumpsuit and the bottom seams sewn. Once I get the zipper in, I’ll set the sleeves, finish the neck, and start on the mask and wings. I have a bright yellow ace bandage for the belt, and I’ll probably sew up some pouches to hang off it. I have yellow and black felt for ears and bat signal on the chest, and some nice yellow silk for linings and detail work. He’s gonna be the best Batman anyone’s ever seen!
I had visitors today – company even!!! There’s a dear friend of mine – she’s like a mom to me, and her husband was my late husband’s godfather (Late husband was baptised a few years before he passed). She has showed up for me so many times – quietly and respectfully – and silently – She was there when I had the hysterectomy in 2012 – held my hand as they put me under – She brings us groceries every month – she asked for a list, and I gave her one – and she brings me everything on the list – And I say thank you – but I don’t know if anyone knows she’s been doing this for a very long time. I know she is well loved by her family and her friends and she is such a happy person who gives so much.
The other visitor was an autism mom who also works in the schools and has worked with CJ in school. Her son and mine are similar in some ways – and so we share some understand of the other’s path. Her older son is a great young man – and I’ve known him since he was starting middle school. She is very strong, but her personality is very soft – and I always feel comforted when I am around her. She’s a beautiful person.
I know I must have looked like a little bird chirping and hopping.- I’m not sure I remember how to people – but I’ll get better the more I try it! While CJ has picked up more grown up behaviors, perhaps I picked up some habits from him? LOL
In other news, I believe we’ll be taking the bus-seat harness off CJ for good here very soon. We started a week ago on the afternoon ride not attaching the harness and just using a seatbelt – and he does fine. I spoke with the driver this morning, and we’ll start without the harness in the mornings too. So – that’s another step up. No more harness. That, and his behavior getting on and off the bus gives me so much hope. He’s doing it. He’s choosing appropriate behavior because he understands the consequences of his choices. He’s choosing. By himself.
And that gives me more freedom. I’m rediscovering my love for cooking, and toying with the idea of a food blog with my “food bank gourmet” style. I don’t want to just jump into it though – so I’m just cooking now – practicing. I’m also working on a dream of a child-care center for single autism parents like me – who don’t have support systems. My son’s caregiver has had a similar dream for many years now and we’ve talked about it quite a bit. I know I’m not the only one – but isolation is sometimes not in our control. The center is on a 10 year timeline right now. It’s a reach goal – but it’s a goal. And also thinking about getting in touch with Music Therapists in the area to find out how to get into the field as a Music Therapist – even as an assistant. I think it could be a great use of my skillset. It is my native language.
I’m chatty tonight – I feel well. The cold has settled into an occasional productive cough and that I am grateful for. I hate sounding like an old Ford with a bad starter. I’m peaceful, if a little anxious about what tomorrow brings -As a child, I got used to the gnawing tingly feeling on my neck to mean something was gonna go wrong. When my husband died, that feeling came back, and aside from this afternoon, it’s been there since he died. Like I said a few days ago – change is rarely fun or easy but usually needed. Transformation. I’ve seen all 7 stages of grief – walked every step of them and I’ve found peace through letting go and being present. I had to get my mad out and I had to get answers. The week of solitude and responsibilities was probably the best therapy I could have had. I was my only responsibility. In taking care of me, I took care of CJ. He realized he needed to step up and take on some responsibility too.
I’m gonna sleep well tonight. 🙂