This year seems to be the year of letting go and grieving. All my old ghosts seem to be wandering back, looking for a fresh heart to shred. I don’t believe in “lessons” anymore – because it’s not fair to expect a child to learn without guidance or instruction. That thinking leads to serious self-esteem issues. I’ve kept a lot of places in my heart open for people because I believed if I was good enough – if I gave enough – if I was just patient enough – they would get around to me. Although, every time, they’ve sworn it wasn’t me, it was. I fall to the bottom of the list – the scratcher reached for when everything else on the list has been checked off and there’s nothing to do.
I keep trying to be open to what comes – I keep trying to hold onto hope – and every time, the universe slaps me. And people wonder why I just want to stay home?