I think I’ve eaten and slept more in the last week than I have in my entire life – and I’ve still met every responsibility and expectation easily. Compassion – that is what changed. I’ve said several times I had to shut off all the external noise and really take some time for me and it’s paid off. I was in survival mode the day I came into this world, and never felt I had to the chance to get a secure footing. The more I let go of CJ, the more independant he becomes, and the more time I have for myself. I wasn’t kidding when I said all I needed was a nap and a sandwich. My cup was empty. It’s not full yet, but it’s getting there.
Knots I’ve had in my shoulders for as long as I can remember have disappeared. Joints that were stiff and frozen are moving easily now. I can breathe better than I ever could. But best of all, my voice is clearer and easier and lighter again. I’m not waking up in a panic attack and I’m sleeping much better. I feel better. I can think clearly. I feel balanced.
I see the world differently now – more realistically than I ever have. I don’t feel courageous but I know I have courage. I don’t feel strong, but I know I have strength. The security I’ve yearned for all my life is in my control. I just needed to stop running.
I am enough.