The house has been in a state of flux since the 1st of the year. I’m cleaning, organizing, and getting rid of so much stuff that doesn’t serve me anymore. Because I’ve been focused on the rest of the house, my room had become messy and disorganized. I was dreading my bedtime – waking up feeling miserable – couldn’t relax – and it finally dawned on me last night. As above so below, and as below so above. My mind was in chaos because my environment was in chaos. I took some time yesterday to do some organizing. I made my bed and cleaned off the bedside table. This morning when I woke up at 1:30 AM (every morning – for no reason – but I wake up at 1:30 AM) I felt very peaceful and calm. There was no talking myself down from a panic attack – instead I woke up peacefully and slowly – got my orange juice and my coffee and enjoyed a couple hours of peaceful web-surfing. I’ve been working on staying relaxed, as I have a tendency to stay in the “brace for impact” mode with my muscles – it’s where I carry my stress, and I am making progress. Part of me wants to stay lazy and miserable, and it’s complaining a bit in my head, but the positive aspects of what I’m trying to accomplish are so rewarding.
I made it through another night, and this time, I didn’t have to fight with demons all night. Imagine just how awesome I’m going to be once I get rid of all my distracting bad habits. 🙂