My son is happy to be 12. He’s grown so much physically and emotionally. He can get his own breakfast and occupy himself around the house. He gets upset when the front door isn’t locked – and hasn’t tried to elope at all from home in a while. Life with CJ is so much better than it was a few years ago. It seems he just keeps taking two steps forward.
The challenge for me is letting him.
For all of his life, I’ve been right there – every breath, every step, every tear, every word, every hug. Luckily, my life situation made it where I didn’t have anything else more important to do than be there for him. There’s nowhere else I wanted to be.
It’s getting easier to relax once he gets on the bus. I have so much peace of mind now that he’s attending First Creek. The staff there has built a program around CJ that challenges him hard but protects him at the same time. I have no anxiety during the school days because I know my son is in the best place for him. Letting go of those worries and fears has been very positive for me.
I celebrated my 52nd birthday last week with my kids. I cooked up a pot of red beans and rice and a ham. It was a quiet evening with music and laughter. The next day, I got to sleep in and be lazy all day. I’d forgotten how to do that.
So now, I get him on the bus, and spend a few minutes in my spinny anxiety panic, then I breathe. What do I want to do today? That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? It’s easier to meet my responsibilities with joy when I know I’m choosing them. I’ve been working on music again, gearing up for February Album Writing Month – an online songwriting challenge – 14 songs in 28 days – This will be my 3rd year, and my best so far, I believe…but then, I always hope I’m better this year than I was last year. I like to think I will always be a student of life. If I am to be a teacher, let it be by quiet example and not through a life ruled by my perceptions of others’ expectations for me.