In a song I wrote recently, I questioned gender role assumptions. While I was vulgar in my writing, preventing me from sharing it, I feel I made some good points in it. I’m actively working on better wording and more creative writing to make my points without vulgarity and strong language.
The beginning of the last verse starts like this:
God the Father rules our Sundays, The Founding Fathers rule the rest, “He’s good because he’s a Family Man” Where did he take that test?
It’s taken me all my life to realize why I cannot find a religion that speaks to me – and its because every one of them has to assign The Supreme being – the Creator – The Great I AM – a gender. How can I form a positive relationship with a “Father creator” when all the knowledge and experience of “fathers” I have is abuse and mistreatment? How can I form a positive relationship with “Mother Goddess” when all the knowledge and experience of “mothers” I have is abuse and mistreatment? I have been both Mother and Father to myself all my life and I have been both Mother and Father to my children. To be viewed as merely a “help-meet” or 2nd best because of how I go to the bathroom is so very offensive to me. I cannot participate in your services and gatherings because everything you say is like listening to a foreign language – and no amount of prayer or conversation or study is going to change me and my experiences.
Gender roles – it all comes down to that. I don’t blame any particular generation or group for starting it – we’re conditioned from birth to believe what we do about ourselves and others. The “abnormal” ones of us in the herd are left behind with a condolence wish of “So sorry – but natural selection and all that – try to hide well.”
I don’t know if there are others who feel this way – but I’m fairly sure there are. I know there are so many who believed if I just trusted their deity enough and prayed prostrate on the floor of my soul, I’d finally understand something I can never comprehend. You don’t learn how to love – You love and maybe someone else will understand you.
So I keep looking for the Creator who’s image I was created in – I can’t ever give up on my search – but I’m beginning to think it’s a pointless exercise that’s more scraping open wounds. Perhaps declaring myself an atheist would be easier – for others – but not for me. I cannot believe the truth I know in my heart and my head is wrong – and I will not be convinced it is.