I’ll jump through your hoops but I want to wear the tutu

Today is the “annual” visit by the DDA Case Manager.  Another new one.  I met this one once – she called us into her office for a “get to you know you” meeting where she handed me a packet of phone numbers and wished me well.   DDA doesn’t keep in touch with us and they don’t do much for us.  I never even met my first case manager, Michael.  Turns out he broke confidentiality and compromised millions of case files (my son’s was one of them)  but we’ve received no information on the extent of the file loss nor any communication from DDA.  Michael did NOTHING for us except deny thing.  Never spoke to him.  Then was Christine.  I’m sure she did the best she could at her job, whatever it was.  She showed up at my house a few times, asked a LOT of invasive personal and financial questions, then disappeared until she needed to bill more medicaid hours.  Then they changed our case manager again, but never bothered to notify me to the one we have today.  She doesn’t nothing for my son.  To date, all she has done is called my caregiver while she was on shift working with my son, asked her to leave my son unattended and go out to the end of the driveway in the street so she could have a confidential conversation with her.  Then she started interrogating her as to why she didn’t report me to CPS and did she know she could lose her job for not reporting me to CPS?

I’m not sure what services I should be getting from DDA.  They keep giving me this one page pamphlet that has some bullet points – but no instructions for accessing the services.  My DDA case manager doesn’t even know what services I’m supposed to be getting.

So what good is DDA beyond harrassment, bullying and petty phone calls to bring up CPS cases they shouldn’t even have access to – because there was no case.

Since my son was diagnosed the first time – it’s been a continued stream of bulling, judgement, and closed doors. I cannot say DDA has done anything for me.  Yeah, they pay for a caregiver a couple hours a day but that is such a fight it’s crazy.

The panic attack is starting and I’ll try to hold it together through the day.  It’s just the constant judgement.  You all think I’m an idiot flake.  You all think you could have done this so much better.  I bet my house is cleaner than yours – it has to be – because I’m held to a an impossible standard by those who cannot even met it themselves.

The problem is – there isn’t a me anymore.

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Pearl Manhattan

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